Improving Communications with Hypnosis
By: Kevin Linehan
Have you ever just met someone and talked with them as if you’ve known them all of your life? Do you ever talk with someone you have known for a long time and leave the conversation feeling as if you are talking past one another? In one case you have immediate rapport, in the other rapport simply hasn’t developed or has been lost. Many feel that if the message they have tried to communicate is misinterpreted then it is the fault of the receiver when it is the sender of a message that is always responsible for what has been received. If, as the sender of a message you accept the responsibility of making sure your message is received as intended you will avoid miscommunication in all forms. Read on to find out how to enhance your communication.
We all process information (communications) through our senses. While there are five senses visual (seeing), auditory (hearing), kinesthetic (touch, feeling), olfactory (smell) and gustatory (taste), most people tend to use the first three, seeing, hearing and touching/feeling to process information. In addition, most people have a primary way of processing and the others although present are secondary. Since all people do not process information in the same way it becomes very easy to have a miscommunication. Have you ever wondered why your spouse doesn’t “see” things the way that you do? If you don’t “see” “eye to eye” it could be due to your spouse processing information in a way other than visual. Your spouse may be wondering why you don’t “hear” what they are “saying”. If your primary way to process information is visual and your spouse processes first as auditory there will be miscommunication. It can be frustrating when you are always trying to “show” your spouse how much you love them and they simply want to “hear” the words I love you. When we first meet our significant other we use all methods of processing information, we are constantly showing, telling, and doing those things that are perceived by your spouse as being loved. As time goes by we settle into our own patterns and primary ways to communicate. You may love your spouse very much and tell them so every day but if they perceive love as something that must be demonstrated through hugging or touching then they are not going to feel loved when you tell them “I love you.” If you can figure out their process and communicate in a way that fits their process then your communication is received and your spouse feels loved.
Above I used the example of spouses communicating. If the receiver of the communication can get a different message than was intended with people that are as close as husband and wife it is easy to understand how our communications with our kids, employers, employees, friends and casual acquaintances can be also be received in ways other than what was intended. Read on to find out what can be done to turn miscommunication into message received.
It would be helpful to the communication process to know whether a person’s primary method of processing information is visual or auditory or kinesthetic. One way to find this out is to listen carefully when they speak. They will use words that represent their favored system. For example a person that is primarily visual will use words like see, clear, bright, and terms like “seeing eye to eye” etc. Someone that uses auditory will use terms like “I hear you” or that “rings a bell.” Someone that is kinesthetic may have a “gut feeling” that something is correct or they may want to “put a finger on” what might be wrong. While not fool proof the words we use are good indicators of our primary system. By the way, everyone uses each system to process information to some extent; a primary system is simply used more often and to a greater degree than the others.
Another way to elicit a primary system is to ask questions. For example, a car salesperson may ask a potential customer what made them purchase the last car they owned. If the person says that they weren’t sure about buying it until they sat behind the wheel and felt the leathers seats and the ease of turning then the sales person is better served by getting this person into the car on a test drive. There is no way that the available colors or the sound of the door slamming is going to convince them to buy.
Aligning your primary communication system with the person you are talking with is simply one aspect of rapport. There are many other techniques such as; matching rate and depth of breathing, matching body language, matching rate of speech, matching tonality etc. that can also help achieve rapport. Rapport is necessary if you expect your communication to be received with the intent with which it was sent.
If you ever need to speak to a group keep in mind you are likely dealing with all three primary ways of processing information. If you simply lecture you might get all those that are primarily auditory to buy in to your presentation but you may lose those that are visual or kinesthetic. An approach that makes use of all three methods is best in a group situation. Be sure to include a visual aspect for those that process by seeing the information, a talk for those that process by hearing and hands on for those that process by doing.
Food for thought, what if your child is kinesthetic and requires a “hands on” approach to learn and his teacher is auditory leading him or her to lecture in order to teach? Can you see why some very smart kids do not do well in school?
At OnTrac Hypnosis we offer workshops and training in Communications, Stress Management, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Self-Hypnosis, HypnoBirthing as well as Hypnotist Certification through the National Guild of Hypnotists.
